Make Me Good God, Just Not Yet...

I wear “I love you’s” on my sleeve. A sweet nothing from me is exactly that, nothing. I have a habit of serving affection as it were water, it’s hardly worth writing home about (Azerbaijan sure hasn’t, lol). She was never one to match my superficial affection. Lately, however, she has surprised me with the articulations of her feelings. I don’t think she is even being superficial or disingenuous about it. I never expected her to feel this way about me, let alone express it. I like it but, it has caught me off guard.
At first I thought she was becoming more affectionate to cover up her infidelity, I don’t think that is that case anymore. Then I started to think she was becoming more affectionate because she knew it was what I wanted to hear. That would be a lot of work for something she would have either way. I am starting to believe that she is actually developing deep seeded feelings for me. I never expected it. Last night was one such occasion, she looked up at me and said “do you remember how I used to say “time will tell,” well its been enough time and… I love you.” I was flabbergasted.
Paris once asked about how serious Azerbaijan and I were, I said it was very temperamental and might not last another 2-3weeks. I was certain that there was a 3-4 month expiratory date on our relationship. I didn’t trust her, I didn’t think I was good enough, I thought she was going to play me. Well, like Azerbaijan said, its been enough time and (besides one ice-cream incident) she been good. This leaves me with one question, is my relationship with Azerbaijan actually turning into something substantial? I’ve spent so long waiting for the other shoe to drop that I never really thought of her like that (I mean I hoped, but I didn’t dare get my hopes up). It’s weird to think Azerbaijan likes me the way she tells me she does. It’s weird thinking of her as my next serious relationship. It must be weird for a lottery winner to wake up 5 months later and realize he is still rich, that is ticket was good, that no one is going to take away his money. That’s how I feel about Azerbaijan.
it is becoming increasingly hard to think of myself with other women. I can't see myself loving other women the way i love her. I don’t have to be anyone but myself with her; I am most genuinely me when I am with her. We are starting to fit together. Sometimes she is my only breath of fresh air in moggy week.