Affectionately Yours

Hours after sunset fell my MSN rang with tones from Azerbaijan. We agreed on our respective problems and patched together opiate solutions. The ordeal ended in a treaty of listed rules and a date of reconciliation. A short stint of catching our breath in the air and a forgettable bus ride found us at a table in the refurbished Conestoga mall. I looked into her eyes and found the infatuation lost on self-induced mess. Complements and other niceties bridged our low expectations and high hopes. I (maybe we) prematurely fell into an ease and accordingly fell into lingering bad habits.
Her nitpicking and superficial criticisms moshed with my passive aggressive nature. I held my cruses under my breath and my resentment swelled. I internally ran through the list of my options and ended at weathering her storm(s) through a guise of playing dead. We skimmed through the next two hours by watching a kid’s movies (could have been better, could have been worse). I did, however, enjoy spending the time with her. I love catching glimpses of her smile, and hearing the ripples of her laughter.
We found our way back to her room via a cab. Splitting our time between youtube and pod casts, we; laughed, teased, and played beside each other in an informal embrace. We didn’t; fight, dramatize, or have ensnaring conversations about a proverbial “us.” Hours passed, I got bored. We were coexisting as friends but I dreaded the prospect of spending the next several hours in a similar fashion. Azerbaijan absolutely captivates me… spending several hours with little interpersonal interaction is less than an appealing notion. I would rather annoy an engagement out of her than be stuck in a holding pattern of platonic bliss. –never realized that- (Something I should defiantly work on…)
I lent a hand to the divide separating our affections; the ambassador was shot on sight. My heavy lids trailed thoughts of frustration and vows of never engaging with her again. An hour passed before she put her baby (I Mac) to bed and joined my attempts at sleep.
She remarked on how disturbing the movie was, she wanted to be held. Affection fallowed in degrees that caught me off guard (all PG sicko’s). I paralleled her shape and held the formation until aches in my shoulder blade taunted my aspirations of continuing to hold her. I dreaded it, but I eventually flipped over. To my surprise she fallowed suit, our enveloping darkness concealed a smile so unabashed it tickled the corners of my cheeks. This was beyond the woman I loved, it surprised me in the nicest of ways.
Her affection erased my pervious vows of estrangement. This is who I wanted, what I wanted, what had been missing, what I needed. Beyond having someone to hang out and sleep with on weekends, I want someone who is simply affectionately mine. I didn’t get that before. I have close friends. I have people who love me, like me, dislike, and hate me. There is only one person, however who I am overtly affectionate towards.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUXL31oqXXY
Affectionately Yours,
John Darling.